Have you all seen it? Netflix's new series 'How to Build a Sex Room' with the wonderfully classy, glamorous and yet equally and hilariously vulgar Designer, Melanie Ruth Rose? If you haven't, you really must; it's great - and Melanie is fantastic!
Melanie Rose was born in London and spent over a decade as an actress on stage before relocating to Los Angeles and becoming a hugely popular interior designer creating "sacred spaces" for the sensual and erotic... which is exactly my dream (isn't that annoying?)!
For those of you who don't know me very well, I'm starting to get on a bit (haha!), but I've often been treated with an element of patronisation from people older than me; they seem to think I'm a lot younger than I am. I'm always being told I look young; and I know that, because of my struggles with self-esteem and confidence, I can often come across as this sweet and innocent, quiet girl, because I am somewhat shy - especially if I admire somebody, or think highly of them. I tend to go a little into my shell and I know this has been my downfall in getting people to see me as the mature woman I actually am (and always have been!) - with thoughts, feelings and desires just like any other woman my age!
People don't tend to see that side of me until they chat to me one-to-one (or, as is more often than not when I try to get to know someone better, until we start writing to one another) and I become a little more comfortable to speak openly for them to discover that, actually, there's a lot more to me than meets the eye!
It's no secret among those who know me that I like an older man; I find them to be more romantic and passionate, more protective and supportive, encouraging and communicative; more cultured, creative, attentive and interested - and far more interesting than men my age. They make you feel more special and beautiful - perhaps because they feel luckier to have you, being older - but I like that. It makes me feel appreciated more - and I like to be appreciated; because I put a lot in when I'm with someone.
I've always been an old soul and have always preferred the company of people older than me, because I've always had older interests. Other than (strangely) finding myself one of the popular girls in school in my final two years, I was always a bit of a loner during my educational years. I was never really interested in the same things as other people my age. In my teens, I was a huge fan of Shakespeare and Dickens; I loved literature and grew quite close to my English Literature and Language teachers; the former was my mum's form tutor in the same school and mum was close to her too, so we had a bit of a bond - the latter saw something in me that I didn't; he encouraged me to write more and would grade me well for oral lessons I didn't actually take part in because he knew how shy I could be. We caught up some years after I left school and he asked me how my writing was going. He told me to keep doing it, because I was talented. He was just such a lovely man.
Mrs Farnsworth, Mr McQuade - I miss you guys; thank you for everything you did for me back then.
I was also quite close to my form tutor, Mr Shipman. He stood up for me when I needed it and once got me home safely after an after-school lesson I had to take part in. I always had a bit of a crush on him. He was gay and we all knew it - and he confirmed it to me when we caught up some years after school; but I've always liked a slightly feminine man. I've lost count of the men I've liked who have had a questionable sexuality!
This attraction goes back to my childhood when I was fascinated by Adam Ant and the video to Stand and Deliver; I would sit in front of the TV, completely in love with his image. I also had the biggest crushes on Pete Burns (before all the surgery!), Philip Schofield (it took a long time, but he came out eventually!), and any dandy restoration character in movies - especially Johnny Depp in 'The Libertine'. My first 'boyfriend' in junior school attracted me because he always had the shiniest PVC shoes and he was very camp. After losing touch for many years, we had a chance meeting in our teens when we had a snog and then he told me he was gay. Surprise, surprise! It's a bit of a joke between my friends and I that I always go for the gay man. And I never thought I had a type!
One of my exes is in his 60s now and described me as someone who is "very quiet, but who sees much more than she lets on"; someone who comes across as very young and who keeps in everything she longs to say until she puts pen to paper and "unleashes" this "wonderful barrage" of emotion and hidden thoughts and feelings that she'd been sitting on for however long. He said, "people don't realise that you are far older than your years, or just how creative you are".
I won't tell you what else he said; I'm a huge believer that a lady should behave with dignity and be discreet with her more private affairs. You shouldn't give too much away as a lady, I believe. But there does come a point when it feels frustrating when people see you as too innocent to dare get close to - especially when you get on better with the older generations and they see you as "too young" for them!
I'm 40 by the way... that's middle-aged in my book!
Under 40 = young
40-70 = middle-aged
70 up = old!
So... see the woman in me, please! And if you can't, then get to know me better; you'll soon see that I go deeper than you realise!
Now - I can't deny being ever so slightly gutted when I was made aware of Melanie's show; I finally qualified in interior design after way too many years not believing in myself and then decided I was going to do something a little different with my business, only for this to come along right after I'd figured it out!
Don't get me wrong - I wasn't planning on building sex rooms, but it's pretty close to the mark and I just know it's going to give so many people similar ideas, which I find really disappointing! I know I shouldn't be worried about it; there's enough room for all of us and we're all different, but I really do like to be different - and I'm not all that keen on competition!
I like to have my own ideas and do my own thing, but every time I get a good idea, someone else comes out with it before I get the chance (or the money!)! It happened when I decided to do 'morning after' shoots at weddings many years ago; I mentioned my idea to someone and then, the very next day there was an article in the paper all about a photographer and his "amazing" idea of morning after shoots! It was so frustrating! But that's universal thought for you and there's nothing we can do about it! Except be quicker!
My idea is less erotic and more romantic; I want to design bedrooms for couples who need their spark reignited; sensual, seductive and sultry bedrooms that feed the imagination and encourage creativity in romance. I want to design luxurious, elegant bedrooms with feature headboards, statement ceilings and a classic, yet modern sexiness. Think Kit Kemp meets Melanie Rose and they both date Laurence Lewellyn-Bowen behind Sophie Robinson's back! Scandalous!
I want my clients to feel like they are escaping real life whenever they go to bed at night; like they are entering an adult-only sanctuary, designed for love, pleasure and lust. I love erotica, but in all honesty, the idea of designing sex rooms had never even occurred to me - and I am furious about that, MELANIE!!
Seriously though, how wonderfully intriguing and creative; I'd love to design one, one day. Perhaps Melanie could be my mentor..!
Really though, I'm softer than that; I'm more about love and sensitivity with a little mystery thrown in. I definitely have a naughty side (don't we all?!) and I love to express that in the right environment, with the right person - or by putting pen to paper to write my erotic poetry (check me out Mr McQuade!); and whilst I do get very excited by all of these fun and sexy things, the reality is - it just isn't really my go-to. I'm more about words and smells and tenderness!
I just love the idea that I could help somebody's relationship to get back on track through design and creativity; I love love. I have always both admired and envied couples who have true love; those who would do anything for one another, who make one another feel special and have one another's backs; those couples who surprise one another, tell one another everything, support, encourage and believe in one another. Those couples who really fancy one another and can't wait to get home to one another at night; who know for certain that their person will be there to depend on when needed and trust that they truly love each other.
Those couples who communicate well (so, so important); those who consider one another in everything they do and work together to create something beautiful - whether that be a child, a solid foundation, or a gorgeous garden... it's all important and it's something I've never had in any of my relationships. Not yet...
And those couples who want to work to get things back on track - those are my favourite couples - those are my ideal clients. The ones who will do everything they can to make things better, or to make one another feel whole again before they even think about giving up and who each take responsibility for their actions. Those are the couples I long to help. Because a couple who put in their all are a couple who have true love. And I'll always support that!
Of course, you don't have to be in a relationship; I'd also like to design these spaces for those of you who are looking to manifest romance into your life. I am a huge believer in manifestation - although, I'm still working on my own manifestations... clearly I'm fighting a stubborn battle there. But having the things around you to inspire positive thoughts and aid your affirmations will really help towards manifesting that romance you're after. So, if you're looking for love, maybe call me in to design your bedroom. At least you'll impress anyone you take back and, who knows - maybe I'll even help to bring your soulmate closer!
I am definitely going to be taking my business in this direction and I will do all I can to make it work and to put myself in demand for these divine spaces! Designing bedrooms makes my heart beat faster, my excitement burst and my creative mind explode! All the things that go through my mind when I think of bedrooms cannot be for nothing; it's a very clear sign that this is my destiny - and I am going to walk that path with pride and passion until I succeed!
Melanie's show did get me wondering though: if I were to build my own 'sex room' - what would I create? It's a fascinating little rabbit hole to fall into!
I mean, I'm not really into bondage, or toys; they don't do an awful lot for me. I think you can achieve all you need to with beautiful lingerie, your hands, your scent, your mouth, your voice and your imagination... who needs anything else?! I can't deny though, some of the adult toys out there are so pretty, I want them just to place around the bedroom as saucy little ornaments! Have you seen some of the beautiful glass and crystal dildos out there? They're lovely!
I have always wanted a tantric chair though; so that would definitely feature in my room. Feathers, velvet, forbidden fruits... anything classy and nothing too stereotypical - which, I must add is something I love about Melanie's designs. She thinks like me, picking pieces of furniture which give a little hint of erotic intent, such as the hand hooks, featuring a beckoning finger, or the drip table; the bottom vase, or the mannequin with Shibari ropes around it (such a beautiful art!); I love to place things in a room which have a little secret meaning behind them.
As the amazing Dorothy Draper once said, "I always put in one controversial item. It makes people talk".
I must say though, I did also love Melanie's entirely obvious, in-your-face penis hooks! The perfect mix of classy meets trashy! I've never seen such a pretty willy!
So, I obviously had a little play. Would you like to see my 'room of erotica'?!
Here it is:
Pomegranates, dark panelled walls, rich velvets, gold accents, brass inlay wooden floors and a few cheeky touches; this would be the kind of thing I would go for if I was making a room dedicated to naughtiness! Erotic art, vintage elegance and that all important tantra-sofa; this is definitely the kind of room that would make me feel romantic.
So, what would you have in your sex room? Would you want full-on kink, gentle erotica or timeless romance? Drop your answers in the comments to let me know.
And make sure you watch Melanie's show if you haven't already. It's really fun and creative!
Until I meet you - I can't wait to get going!
Thank you - as always - for reading.
Lots of love,
Evelyn M
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